We’ve all been there. You’re having a great time with your friends, or you’re enjoying a date night with your partner, or you’re just minding your own business, when suddenly someone comes up to you and says something rude, like “Leave me alone” or “Don’t ever talk to me again” or “You’re not welcome here”. How do you react? Do you feel hurt, angry, embarrassed, or confused? Do you lash out, apologize, or walk away? Do you wonder what you did wrong, or what’s wrong with them?
There’s no easy answer to how to deal with rejection, especially when it’s unexpected and harsh. But there are some things you can do to cope better and move on with your life. Here are some tips from experts and real people who have been in your shoes.
1. Don’t take it personally. Sometimes, people say mean things because they’re having a bad day, or they’re insecure, or they’re trying to push you away for some reason. It’s not about you, it’s about them. As psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne writes, “The key to dealing with the haters in your life is to recognize that their hate is not really about you. It’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations, and needs.” You are not what they say you are.
2. Don’t argue or beg. If someone tells you to leave or not return, the worst thing you can do is to try to change their mind or plead for another chance. This will only make you look desperate and pathetic, and it will give them more power over you. As life coach Celestine Chua says, “When someone is rude to you, they are not showing you their true self. They are showing you their own issues and problems. Don’t waste your time trying to convince them otherwise, because they are not interested in listening.” Instead, respect their decision and walk away with dignity. You don’t need their approval or validation to be happy.
3. Don’t dwell on it. It’s normal to feel hurt and angry when someone rejects you, but don’t let it consume you. Don’t replay the scene over and over in your head, or obsess over what you could have done differently, or blame yourself for everything. This will only make you feel worse and keep you stuck in the past. Instead, focus on the present and the future, and on the things that make you happy and fulfilled. As author and speaker Brian Tracy says, “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”
4. Don’t isolate yourself. When you feel rejected, you may be tempted to withdraw from others and avoid social situations. But this will only make you feel more lonely and depressed. You need to surround yourself with people who love and support you, and who can help you cope and heal. As relationship expert Andrea Bonior says, “One of the best ways to deal with rejection is to have a strong support system of friends and family who can remind you of your worth and value as a person, and who can distract you from the pain and negativity.” So reach out to your friends and family, or join a club, a class, or a hobby group, and meet new people who share your interests and passions.
5. Don’t let it stop you. Rejection is inevitable in life. You can’t please everyone, and you can’t avoid conflict. But you can choose how you respond to it, and how you let it affect you. You can let it hold you back, or you can let it push you forward. As motivational speaker Les Brown says, “Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.” So don’t let one person’s rejection stop you from pursuing your goals and dreams, or from being yourself. You have so much to offer to the world, and so many people who appreciate you and care about you. Don’t let the haters get you down. You are awesome, and you deserve to be happy.
