We’ve all been there, scrolling through our phones, eyes glazing over the endless stream of messages in the group chat. It’s the same old story: everyone’s eager to hang out until it comes down to making actual plans. Suddenly, the enthusiasm fizzles out, and you’re left feeling like the only one who ever tries to get everyone together. If this sounds all too familiar, welcome to the club of the designated planners, my friend.
Being ‘the planner’ in a group of friends can sometimes feel like a thankless job. You’re the one who has to herd cats, make the calls, send the reminders, and deal with the flak if things don’t go perfectly. But before you throw in the towel and resign yourself to a life of solo Netflix binges, let’s talk about why this role, though challenging, can actually be a badge of honor.
Recognizing and Handling Toxic Friendships
Let’s acknowledge the elephant in the room: toxic friendships. They’re not always as obvious as a trio of scrunchie-wearing Heathers, and they don’t require a Veronica Sawyer-inspired solution. But they do exist, and they can be a source of immense stress. Karen Riddell, who is penning a book on female friendships, points out that toxic friends can be masters of disguise, hiding their harmful behaviors behind a facade of kindness and care. They’re the ones who always have a crisis, yet never have time for yours. The ones who expect you to drop everything for them but are nowhere to be found when you’re in need.
Recognizing these red flags is crucial. If you’re constantly avoiding their texts and calls, feeling emotionally drained after seeing them, or experiencing physical symptoms of stress, it’s time to reassess the friendship. And if your friend group is causing you to feel like you have to hide your successes or is negatively impacting your other relationships, it’s a sign that something’s got to give.
Embracing the Role of the Planner
But let’s pivot for a moment and consider the positives of being the planner. Embracing this role can actually be empowering. You get to call the shots, plan activities you enjoy, and ensure that your needs are met. If you love botanical gardens and mountain hikes, guess what? That’s what you’re doing this weekend. And if you’re a vegetarian, you can bet that every dinner reservation will have delectable veggie options.
It’s a lot of pressure, but it’s also a lot of power. You’re the one shaping the experiences and memories you and your friends will look back on. And let’s be real, if you weren’t doing it, would it even happen? Probably not.
Strategies for Dealing with Flaky Friends
Let’s address the elephant in the room: the WhatsApp group where plans go to die. You know the one. You throw out an idea, and it’s met with a chorus of ‘sounds good’ and ‘maybe’ until the conversation inevitably drifts to some unrelated topic. It’s frustrating, to say the least. But here’s the thing: you don’t have to be the only one making an effort. It’s okay to step back and see if someone else steps up. You might be surprised.
And if they don’t? Well, that’s okay too. It’s not a reflection on you. It’s a reflection on the group dynamic, and sometimes, that dynamic changes. People grow apart, interests diverge, and that’s just part of life. It doesn’t mean you have to sit around feeling lonely and rejected. It’s an opportunity to expand your social circle, meet new people, and find friends who share your enthusiasm for getting out and doing things.
Setting Boundaries and Finding Balance
What do you do if you’re tired of being the planner? Talk to your friends. Let them know how you’re feeling in a calm, non-confrontational way. If they’re truly your friends, they’ll listen and make an effort to change. If not, then you have your answer, and it’s time to move on.
There’s nothing wrong with being the planner. It means you’re proactive, organized, and, let’s face it, the glue that holds the group together. But it’s also important to take care of yourself. Don’t let the stress of toxic friendships or the frustration of flaky plans weigh you down. Embrace your role, but also set boundaries. Make plans that make you happy, and don’t be afraid to venture out on your own or with new friends.
Curating a Joyful Social Life
Being ‘the planner’ isn’t just about organizing outings; it’s about curating your life. It’s about choosing joy, seeking out positive experiences, and surrounding yourself with people who appreciate your efforts. So go ahead, send out that group text, make that reservation, and plan that trip. But do it on your terms, and never forget that you deserve friends who are just as excited to spend time with you as you are with them.
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Embrace Being the Planner in your Friend Group
